Going out on a mission trip to places deprived of many good things this world has to offer, it gives me a deeper understanding of life outside of convenience and a wider perspective of the pressing needs of people for hope. The surprising realization after my first trip was that I too was in need of hope. There were so many things I had to deal with myself after coming back home from India. I was out on a mission to reach out to people but all along God was on a mission to reach out to me. I cannot boast about the amount of faith I have because I fail a lot of times. I fail in trusting the Lord. I fail in my convictions. I fail in so many ways. People think that missionaries are great, strong people, doing mighty things for God, but what others have misunderstood and overlooked is that, as human as we are, we are weak people dependent on God. It's not our strength that keeps us going, but God's grace. He is the one who is strong. It's his strength that sustain us. Actually, I dont think I am on that level to be labeled as a missionary. Honestly, to be called a missionary seems like a big word for me. I know I have a lot to learn. I have a lot to give. Not so much to prove. But who am I to not be grateful for being given the opportunity to carry on the name of Christ, regardless of who I am? That humbles me. Until now, I still cannot reconcile the fact that God has chosen me to represent Him to a foreign place I haven't even thought of becoming real. I was at the point of my life when I was spiritually sick when He sent me to India. Honestly, I was afraid because I wasn't prepared spiritually. I was thinking, "What I could offer Him? I am empty." But I've always believed that God never makes mistakes. Sending me to India was completely within His will for my life. I didn't know how to be useful or effective or even productive as a missionary but every moment of everyday, He patiently guided and taught me the things I should do and learn. One night, while the rest of the mission team was having their pizza dinner, I went to the roof deck to be alone with God. It was my one of the few intimate moments I had with the Lord during the trip. I could feel him in the silence of the night sky. I let my heart pour out, cried and looked at his face in the beauty of the night. I knew wherever I was, He was there. Sometimes, when I felt alone and lonely, His presence was a comfort to me.
Tomorrow, I'll be flying to India. I still dont know what to do and what to expect. I know it's going to be a whole new experience. Although, this will be my second time, it feels like my first time again. Tonight, my sisters helped me packed my things. I had fun time with them. Tomorrow, I have to leave my family, my friends, my country to embark on a mission work. I dont know what each day will bring. But God knows. So I'll let Him bring it on.
