Leaving for India for the Second time

This is one of those moments when I dont know what I should feel. Just 3 months after, I will be back to India. It feels to me that I'll be just going to the other side of town. I am completely without expectations at this point. Is it a good or bad thing? Honestly, when I think of India right now, I remember the movie, Life of Pi. I am tempted to make myself believe that it's real. I love how a brilliant movie can transport you into a world of illusion. On the other side of it, the reality is that India has a lot of great stories to tell from its people, culture, traditions and history. I cannot boast about anything from my first trip earlier this year. I have only seen and tasted a drop of India. But I can testify of the Lord's greatness all throughout the trip experience.

Going out on a mission trip to places deprived of many good things this world has to offer, it gives me a deeper understanding of life outside of convenience and a wider perspective of the pressing needs of people for hope. The surprising realization after my first trip was that I too was in need of hope. There were so many things I had to deal with myself after coming back home from India. I was out on a mission to reach out to people but all along God was on a mission to reach out to me. I cannot boast about the amount of faith I have because I fail a lot of times. I fail in trusting the Lord. I fail in my convictions. I fail in so many ways. People think that missionaries are great, strong people, doing mighty things for God, but what others have misunderstood and overlooked is that, as human as we are, we are weak people dependent on God. It's not our strength that keeps us going, but God's grace. He is the one who is strong. It's his strength that sustain us. Actually, I dont think I am on that level to be labeled as a missionary. Honestly, to be called a missionary seems like a big word for me. I know I have a lot to learn. I have a lot to give. Not so much to prove. But who am I to not be grateful for being given the opportunity to carry on the name of Christ, regardless of who I am? That humbles me. Until now, I still cannot reconcile the fact that God has chosen me to represent Him to a foreign place I haven't even thought of becoming real. I was at the point of my life when I was spiritually sick when He sent me to India. Honestly, I was afraid because I wasn't prepared spiritually. I was thinking, "What I could offer Him? I am empty." But I've always believed that God never makes mistakes. Sending me to India was completely within His will for my life. I didn't know how to be useful or effective or even productive as a missionary but every moment of everyday, He patiently guided and taught me the things I should do and learn. One night, while the rest of the mission team was having their pizza dinner, I went to the roof deck to be alone with God. It was my one of the few intimate moments I had with the Lord during the trip. I could feel him in the silence of the night sky. I let my heart pour out, cried and looked at his face in the beauty of the night. I knew wherever I was, He was there. Sometimes, when I felt alone and lonely, His presence was a comfort to me.

Tomorrow, I'll be flying to India. I still dont know what to do and what to expect. I know it's going to be a whole new experience. Although, this will be my second time, it feels like my first time again. Tonight, my sisters helped me packed my things. I had fun time with them. Tomorrow, I have to leave my family, my friends, my country to embark on a mission work. I dont know what each day will bring. But God knows. So I'll let Him bring it on.

Crushed Heart

Crushed. 

I knew it was coming. I didn't know it would affect me that much.

The result?

My heart is crushed. Not in a bad way though. The pieces of my heart fall apart to the truthful words spoken to me. Suddenly, I realized how so many things in my past I havent dealt with. I thought I have moved on. I have left those things behind. I am living my life now. But tonight, all the thoughts of the past are coming back to me now. I let those years passed by believing that in time, things will be alright. 

But the truth of the matter is, all the brokenness of the past are waiting for the right time to be exposed. If I was healed, why can't I talk about my past so freely? so joyfully? so easily? Perhaps, there werent complete closure yet.

Those words cut through my heart. It caused me to look back and go back. Not really to dwell on it but just to make me realize that I needed to be healed, completely;To forgive, completely; To confess, humbly; To see God in every situation and know that He was there all along. God silenced my lips to make me listen to Him and wounded my heart to heal me. If that what it takes, so be it. He knows Iv'e been stagnant for so long. Waiting for the water in the well to come out. Pretending things are going just fine or will be fine. But no. He wants to deal with me, all of me. He is breaking me now. Yes, it's painful. It really hurts. I am on the process of understanding what does "the peace of the Lord" really mean; what does Grace really mean, what does forgiveness really mean; what does the "joy of the Lord is my strength" really mean, what does "He makes all things New" really mean; what does "Be still and Know that I am God" really mean. Not on my own understanding or definition but HIS.

I know this is good for me. Later, when I look back, I wont feel the pain anymore but instead see the grace of God cover it all and I can be able to wholeheartedly agree with what HE said, with all conviction, that "It is finished".

The Prisoner’s Wife – Selling Lanterns on the Street

As soon as “ber” months start, it’s a sign that Christmas is approaching. This is the time of the year when everybody seems to be busy with Christmas shopping, Christmas parties, Christmas gifts and all that Christmas jazz. But for the inmates of Negros Occidental provincial jail, it’s the time to make some money for their family. As early as October, husbands begin to craft their Lanterns or parols to be sold by their wives on the months of November till December. The provincial jail was formerly located at Gatuslao Street, Bacolod City. The parols were on display just outside the jail, but now, the facility was transferred to Bago City to give way for the construction of the expansion of 888 China Town Square.

Every time I passed by the provincial jail, I cant help but be mesmerized by the colorful lanterns which light up magically on display at night. Since the jail is already in Bago city, I wondered where the parols are being displayed. I see lanterns stalls along Burgos-Gatuslao crossing. I stopped by to inquire. There they are. It’s them - the parols of the Inmates of Provincial Jail. I met Leah Tanlugon, 33, whose husband is imprisoned for committing murder. With her are other families of prisoners helping out to sell lanterns. I found them repairing some of the damaged and old lanterns. Leah was only 22 years old when her husband was sent to prison. That was eleven years ago. Since then, she has been selling lanterns. They have no children. The lanterns’ prices depend on the sizes but customers can always ask for discounts. They also accept orders. The stalls serve as their temporary home while there are still parols to sell. For these wives, It’s good business. Days before Christmas, all the parols are usually sold out and they can go back to their own homes with sufficient income to spend for Christmas. Every week she would visit her husband in jail and makes sure that she doesn’t miss to spend Christmas and New Year with him. This November, her husband was moved to Muntinlupa to serve his penalty. For Leah, this is heartbreaking. When I asked her how would it be now that she is far away from him, she gave an uncertain look on her face and a sad smile then said, “We cant do anything about it but to go on with life and try to get use to it.” For both of them, life will never be the same again. Their last conversation was just before her husband left for Muntinlupa. Leah cannot resist not being with her husband for Christmas. She plans to go there on December 26 to spend the holidays with him.  Christmas season is the only time when Leah can have sure income. She doesn’t have a fulltime job. They are able to celebrate Christmas and New Year bountifully because of the Parol. For the rest of the families of the inmates, this project by the province has been a great blessing to them. Even though, these husbands are inside the jail, they can still provide for their family through this noble job.

Leah Tanlugon, 33, a prisoner's wife

Before our conversation ended, I asked Leah the final question, “What is your wish this Christmas?” She answered with the sound of desperation,” I wish for my husband to be out of prison.” Then there’s long resonating silence. Her love and longing for her husband echoed through my ear. Unselfishly, she wishes nothing else but freedom for her husband and a hope for a chance to live life together as couple, free from chains and if God willing, to have their own children someday. No matter how uncertain the fate of her husband in prison, nothing can separate the love they have for each other. Just like the Christmas lantern/Parol, as long as there is Christmas, there will always be light and hope.

The Story behind the Giant Puppets of Masskara

THE GRAND ARRIVAL OF THE GIANT PUPPETS

If you are either a local or a foreign tourist who come to Bacolod for Masskara, somehow you know what to expect when you go to the festival. You have in mind what the typical scenes are- the colorful smiling masks; the street dance competition;  parties here and there; the carnival rides; streets filled with people; an array of stalls and the seemingly endless activities happening around the city. Masskara has evolved from being a simple celebration of smiling masks and street dancing, to a highly acclaimed festival in the country and even abroad. With Masskara, there is always something to look forward to.

Last year, everyone was surprised to see a new attraction – the Giant Puppets of the La Consolacion College of Architecture, Fine Arts and Engineering Department (ARFIEN). The puppets were about 12 feet high, being carried by one person on his back and assisted by two others who control the arm movements. The ARFIEN students of LCC-Bacolod created these amazing and gigantic puppets. People were amused by the sight of it. It’s something new to everyone. It’s something new to the Masskara scene. Undeniably, people who witnessed it seemed to really enjoy.  But little did we know how these Giant Puppets came about during last year.

LCC’s PARTICIPATION IN MASSKARA

The school has been joining Masskara for many years now. They even won 2^nd place in the Street Dancing Competition way back in the 90’s. There came a time that they quit joining. There were many artists in the institution, and as artists, they were naturally creative and imaginative. They didn’t want to be dictated on what they should do or not do. They couldn’t be put in a box. They would always get out. They couldn’t be stopped from doing what they wanted.

There was a time, they joined the competition wearing enormous heads of different cartoon characters, and in another year, they created very big masks with small feet. They were disqualified. Although they were allowed to participate, they were no longer legible to win any prize. People who saw them enjoyed. As a matter of fact, they were the most photographed during that time because of their mass appeal. They were instantly adored by the crowd. For them, it’s no longer about winning, but giving joy to people is their driving force.

They stopped joining for 4-5 years. But the institution never stopped thinking of a comeback. But how did they come back to Masskara? As an art school, they thought about it for so long.

FROM A TV SHOW TO THE BIRTH OF THE GIANT PUPPETS

One Sunday, while watching TV, Mr. Rialino Alisbo, the dean of the ARFIEN Department saw this festival in Japan with moving structures of a fish and other creatures. This tickled his imagination.

With enthusiasm, he told this story:

“The next day, I went to school, it was August last year, I told my fellow faculty members about it.”  He encouraged them, “Why don’t we come up with something like this, moving and dancing, and join Masskara?” The initial idea was to create something that all people can see. They began researching on the internet and came across the Gigantes Festival of Lucban Quezon. They thought it was great, but the movements of the structures are limited, the most it can do is move from side to side. “We can’t make something like the Gigantes, because it will appear as imitation.” He said. “Children cannot see the dance parade because they are small. I believe Masskara is for all, young and old alike should be able to enjoy it. We asked ourselves, what are the enjoyments of the children? Of course, watching the parade, but most of them cannot see, either they must be carried by their parents on their shoulders or climb on the roof of a vehicle. ..so unfortunate of them!”

They continued to research on the internet. They gathered all the information they could find. Therewere a lot of videos on Youtube teaching how to build giant puppets. Their concern was how they could adapt it to the Philippine setting. After all the researching, brainstorming and sketching of prototypes, they were able to come up with what we see now as the Giant Puppets of the ARFIEN Department of LCC Bacolod , 12 feet high, three dimensional, colorful and smiling. Mr. Alisbo added, “Our system (of building the puppets) is found in the internet, we only improve some of them.”

When it was announced to the students that they were joining Masskara and build giant puppets, they all applauded. For Mr. Alisbo, it was a sign that the students are up to the project and that they liked it. By September, they proposed it to Silver Masskara Organizers and was approved immediately. The whole department committed to participate. Students were grouped into 5-10 members. They get incentives from all their major subjects. The teachers gave their students the freedom to display their artistry and creativity. 

They were given guidelines to follow. The puppet has to be smiling; it should jive with the Masskara theme and must be in full colors. “Give us something that people will enjoy during the Masskara Festival”, were the words of Mr. Alisbo to the students. One month before the festival, students began working on the giant puppets. The classrooms, the lobby, the studios, served as their working area. They made use of the little spaces they have in the building.  “If you’re an artist, you should be versatile” Mr. Alisbo said. These students are amazing. Not only they are creative, they too are resourceful and very adaptive. The activity serves as a training ground for them. They could create a work of art out of simple materials like paper, plastics and remnants of cloth. The students were dedicated to complete the puppets. Some would even stay up late just to get the work done. The beauty of the activity is, students get inspired. They look at their puppets with pride and honor. Camaraderie is strengthened. “When students’ work is appreciated, it boosts their morale. Those who are always absent in class, show up during building the puppets”, Mr.  Alisbo wittily observed. The teachers still get surprised each time they see the work of their students. Some works exceed their expectations. It can’t be avoided that some parents would complain about the expenses. Mr. Alisbo would explain to them that the activity is part of the students’ school life. In a way, it serves as a reliever for them from the pressure of the normal classroom routine. This activity is something they look forward to be shown to Bacolod.

Masskara came. More than 50 Giant puppets were paraded in the streets of Lacson. For the first time, the crowd was seeing, in great awe, the creations of the ARFIEN department of LCC Bacolod. The reception was overwhelming. It was a hit for tourists. All the hard work, the tiredness, the effort and the late hours paid off. It was worth it and fulfilling. It was all they dreamed of.

GIANT PUPPETS AND BEYOND

“I cannot claim that I created it. Maybe I was the one who started the ball rolling. With the help of all the faculty members, it snowballed”, Mr. Alisbo humbly admitted. “We dreamed of going back to Masskara…without being judged of our uniqueness and being different. Our goal is that people will enjoy seeing us perform. Isn’t Bacolod the City of Smiles? Let’s bring more smiles especially to children.”

Last April (2012), the puppets reached worldwide audience when the Masskara Dancers used them as props for a competition on “It’s Showtime” a noontime program in ABS-CBN. They were used in several events in Bacolod. Some of the puppets were sold already.  This year, the 800+ students of ARFIEN department are showcasing 73 giant puppets - refined, improved and made even better. They have learned from their experiences last year where some puppets didn’t last long. They also made miniature models this year which are on display for exhibit at the main lobby of the school.

Mr. Alisbo dreams for the giant puppets to expand and grow in the coming years. “We have established it. We will pass it on to them. Having established it, is already a ‘feather in our cap’…We wanted to share it with Bacolod. We wanted to teach Bacolod how to build giant puppets.” He believes that if Bacolod learns how to build them, giant puppets will have a promising future just like the smiling masks that were once very simple but now have evolved into something sophisticated, elegant and world-class. “It (giant puppets) started as an idea, and then it grew. It’s a potential tourism attraction. It could help Bacolod. People will know that Bacolod is really an artists’ haven, that there are really great artists here…If only given a break or a venue, just like the students.”

 

 

Nanalo ako ng Jackpot sa LOTTO (kunwari): Itong Gagawin Ko.

Binalak ko noon na kapag mananalo ako sa Lotto ng higit isang daang milyon, magpapatayo ako ng dream house ko, bibili ng lupa, magtatanim ng prutas at gulay at ibebenta ng murang mura; mag dodonate sa Gawad  Kalinga, mag-aaral ng Film Making sa abroad; bigyang kabuhayan ang mga mahihirap; tumulong nang tumulong; magnegosyo; magtatabi sa banko at hayaang dumami; bibili ng lahat na bagay at pagkain na gusto ko.

Masarap isipin kung magkatotoo.

Pero napagtanto ko, hindi yan ang buhay na gusto ko. Hindi sukatan ang pera upang maging maligaya ang isang tao. Hindi pera ang sukutan upang masasabi mo na maayos at matiwasay ang buhay mo.

Sa trabaho ko, may mga pagkakataon na malaki ang natatanggap ko kapag nakatsamba ng malaking proyekto. Kapag hawak ko na ang malaking pera, sumasakit ulo ko sa kaiisip kung anong gagawin ko dito. Kung ano bibilhin ko; kung sino ang ililibre ko. Nabibili ko nga ang mga ninanais ko pero bakit hindi ako lubusang masaya? Di ba yan ang isa sa mga motibasyon ko na maging secure financially noong nag-aaral pa ako o ng sino man, lalung lalo na yung nakaranas ng hirap? sa mga nagtiis sa instant noodles at sardinas sa araw-araw; sa taong may iisang pares lang ng sapatos na ilang taon ng isinusuot? sa bawat pamilya na walang maayos na tirahan na sa tuwing uulan ay perwisyo dahil sa tumutulong tubig sa bubungan. Sa estudyanteng ginawang hobby ang mag promisory note tuwing exam, walang sapat na baon, parati bang gutom at minsan absent dahil walang pamasahe. O kahit mayaman na, gustong yumaman pa kaya lahat ng negosyo na patok, papasukan. Nag-aral ng pangmayamang kurso para pagkagraduate, pangmayaman na trabaho din ang babagsakan. 

Pera nga ba ang nagpapatakbo sa mundo?

Para sa iba, oo.

Wala sa isang daan ang laman ng bulsa ko ngayon pero hindi naman ako malungkot dahil doon.

Kung may sampung libo ako ngayon, magiging masmasaya kaya ako?

Hindi siguro. Dahil para sa akin, hindi pera ang nagpapasaya o kumukumplento sa buhay ko.

Ang simpleng usapan at tawanan sa loob ng bahay ang nagbibigay saya sa akin. Ang mapabuti ang nararamdamang bigat ng loob ng isang kaibigan; ang pagsasalo salo sa konting handaan tuwing espesyal na okasyon na kasama ang mga mahal sa buhay; ang manood ng basketbol sa tv na nagsisigawan at naghihiyawan; ang makikain sa bahay ng kaibigan; ang mapatawa ang taong malungkot; ang tumambay sa kanto; ang magkantahan sa tugtog ng gitara kasabay ang mga kaibigan.

Di ba mas masaya ang buhay kung maganda ang relasyon mo sa mga tao sa paligid mo? Kung nagdadamayan at sinusuportahan ang isa't isa? Yung walang lamangan at inggitan? Yung masaya lang kung masaya at malungkot kung malungkot. Hindi kailangang maranasan ang marangyang buhay para masasabi mo sa sarili na masaya ka. 

Aanhin mo ang Ipad 2 at Iphone 4s kung masama naman ang ugali mo at namimili ka ng kakaibiganin, yung mga taong may gadgets din kagaya mo. Aanhin mo ang kabi-kabila mong negosyo kung hindi ka marunong makipagkapwa-tao. Kung ang tingin mo sa mga taong marurumi ang kuko at madumi ang balat ay may masamang balak na sa iyo. Aanhin mo ang mala mansiong bahay na naka aircon bawat kwarto kung hindi naman nagkakaintindehan ang mga nakatira dito? Aanhin mo ang magagarang suot at kotse mo kung hindi ka marunong tumingin sa mga nangangailangan at tugunan ito? Aanhin mo ang yaman mo kung wala kang kinikilalang Diyos kundi ang pera mo? 

Okey lang sa akin ang manalo sa Lotto. Okey rin na hindi. Tataya pa rin ako. Ang sa akin lang, hindi sana ako mapasama kung mananalo man ako. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi kailanman pera ang sagot sa lahat ng problema. Lalung lalo na hindi ito magbibigay kahulugan sa buhay ko. Ang mamuhay ng may pagmamahal sa Diyos at sa kapwa ang pinakaninanais ko. Bonus na lang siguro kung bibiyayaan ako ng maraming pera. Ganunpaman, gagamitin ko ito para ibalik sa Diyos ang ibinigay niya sa akin sa paraang mapeplease ko Siya. Higit pa sa jackpot sa Lotto ang makaharap ang Diyos at sabihin sa'yo, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!" Matthew 25:21

Gusto kong maalala ako ng tao, hindi sa kung gaano ako kalaking tumulong o magbigay, kundi kung gaano kalaki at kayaman ang puso ko sa pagmamahal sa kanila at sa Diyos.

"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?"  Matthew 16:26

There's More to Life than Facebook (or the internet).

Dear Friends, I have made a decision to gradually get Facebook out of my system.

I know this site has been very useful and helpful to me, as I am able to connect with you and share our lives, our innermost thoughts and feelings, our memories in photos, our everyday choices. Yes, and as for me, I have lived my waking days with this site since its birth. I have expressed myself here in ways imaginable - posting crazy videos; silly comments; bitter thoughts; laughed without a real sound, just "hahaha" or "hehehe"; I have shown you my heart and my mind here when I am not brave enough to express myself in front of people. I chat with faceless friends, whose breath I can't feel and realize that friendship nurtured online is no better than friends who choose to spend time together.

My Status Wall is my heart. What you read are pieces of me. But this Facebook Wall has somehow become a soild wall between me and the real world. Between me and those real people with real faces. Between me and myself. Instead of creating solid bridges, I have unconsciously forgotten the traditional, the basics, the proven and tested way of building relationships. That is the Meet and Greet; the visit to a friend's house; the tambayan sa kilid dalan; the simple panginaon sa tiangge. The conversation under the stars. The jamming session to an endless list of songs; the chismisan; the loud laughter; the long walk; the damayan when a friend is burdened; the exchange of jokes; the "wala diri wala didto nga istoryahanay"; the advises and sharing of problems and concerns and struggles; JUST BEING AROUND WITH PEOPLE I LOVE AND THOSE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME - WHOM i CAN FEEL, I CAN HEAR, I CAN TOUCH, I CAN SMELL. 

Facebook may connect us, but it keeps a distance between people. It makes us believe that we can grow in friendship eventhough we dont give an effort to continually see each other. But to my realization, it drifts my relationship apart with the people I love. I may seem to feel that I know the person through his/her status and posts, but the truth is, I will only get to truly know the person if I spend time with him/her. I will only get to understand him/her if I get to listen as he/she speaks his/her heart out. FOR ME, IT"S STILL THE "SPENDING TIME TOGETHER" WHICH MAKES THE RELATIONSHIP GROW. PRESENCE AND AVAILABILITY MATTER. 

Facebook is such a wonderful creation. I don't deny it. But, I can't deny as well that it can also be a distraction and destructive. It's easy to destroy another person by posting a negative comment about him. It's easy to ruin one's life by passing on a bad story about him. It's easy to make friends but it's also easy to make enemies. It's so easy to change the relationship status from In a Relationship to Single to In a Relationship again. We, humans are so confusing nowadays. On Facebook, friends can turn into enemies. Maybe I am just blessed that I dont have enemies among my list of Facebook friends because I only add those whom I can trust. I don't add people I dont know personally. I don't add people whom I think whose motives are questionable. I dont like stalkers among my friends. 

I keep a low profile. I am not a celebrity. But I entertain those in my circle.

I must admit my wall posts are sometimes offensive or defensive or senseless or simply bitter. If I am hungry, I post it. If I am lonely, I post it. If I am angry, I am poetic. Whether I am high or low or in between, I post it. If I cant find the right words to say what's on my mind, I pick a bible verse or quotes. I realize, i spend a lot of time in the internet and absorb the radiation which the computer gives out and communicate with faceless people. When all I ever wanted was to be known and be heard, it seems Facebook has somehow replaced my social life and exposed myself too much to a wired world which only few really seem to care. Isn't it funny that we people depend on Facebook or social networking too much that we already disregard speaking to each other in person or addressing concerns and issues in private. Rather than let the whole world know that you are angry at someone, why not settle it with the person you are angry with or tell a few people you trust about what you feel. I know everyone has the right to express themselves but we should be responsible, sensitive and protective of each other. I still believe in gentle talk when an issue arises. Facebook has become a loud mouthpiece for people who are bursting in emotions; who have no one to talk to at the moment. We let our fingers speak rather than use our lips to talk. I repremand myself each time I become like it. But sometimes, you just want to express that anger to the world to make you feel good.  

It if does make you feel good, it doesn't mean it's right.

When you are in your right mind, you wouldn't make another person look so bad to other people. 

I have so many things to say. The bottom line is Facebook or the internet is good, but there are better things to do with our lives rather than building your identity online, creating a Virtual YOU, spending hours in it and stripping youself to the world who care less.

Get up. Stand up. Go out. Real people are there. Build strong and lasting Relationships. Love. Care. Reach out. Spend your precious time to worthwhile things. Laugh and cry together. Listen. See the sunrise.

Dont make Facebook/Internet your life. Get a life and Make it count.

Morning Bus Ride going to Sipalay